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In My Feelings…Literally!

While Drake is in his feelings wondering whether Keke loves him, I’m over here trying to compose and gather myself for my daughter’s first day of Pre-K next week. Since the inception of my Facebook account, I have seen many parents post pictures of their little one’s first day of school. Their tone has always come across as excited, happy and for some, eager. Lol! I expected to feel those same emotions when my child started school; especially since she is enrolled in the school that my husband and I chose. Yet, here we are, one week away from her starting Pre-K and I am a complete mess! I have been crying off and on for the past 5 days! She goes to an awesome daycare that has groomed her mentally and spiritually for the past 4 years and now I feel as though I am releasing her to the wild. I am experiencing all types of “what ifs” and “I should haves”. Even though the school is very diverse, I cant help think about her experiencing racism, sexism or colorism and me not being able to protect her from it.  I understand that some may think I am overreacting, and perhaps I am, but I can only hope these feelings dissipate soon!

She seems very excited, but I’m sure she is nervous as well. She is going from a daycare of 4 to a classroom of 12-13. Although we have met and ABSOLUTELY LOVE her new teacher and aides, this will still be an adjustment and big change for her. I am beating myself up about not preparing myself in my 20s to be a stay at home mom. I was career driven because I had no husband and children, so the only prize my eye was on was making enough money to pay bills, party, travel and save for retirement. Maybe I should have been putting things in place to prepare myself for when my children enter school. What exactly could I have done differently? I have absolutely no clue! My mind is going in circles right now and I’m sure this emotional rollercoaster I am on will end; hopefully sooner than later.

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